My testimony

I’ve debated posting this for a while but I thought I’d go ahead. I know that many of you who are reading don’t know “the story” – how I became a Christian.

I accepted Jesus into my heart as my Savior the summer before my senior year of high school – June 18, 1991 to be exact. The story starts several months prior to this though.

I was into photography in high school and had a friend who was also in my photography class. She was a Christian and went to a local church. It was interesting timing because I had been spending some time thinking about Satan. I know, how strange. I believed he existed but I wasn’t sure that I thought God existed. Don’t ask me why – you’d think I’d believe in both and not one or the other. At any rate, I remember spending time at night thinking about this subject. Not pleasant, I know.

My friend and I went out taking photos one day and she asked me if I wanted to go to her church’s youth group that night. I said yes and went. It kind of freaked me out because they were talking about the End Times. I had gone to church off & on growing up but had never heard anything about this. In light of my mind’s wanderings, I thought it was ironic, and, for a non-believer, scary. In the midst of all this talk though, they never mentioned the part that Jesus plays in salvation so I didn’t hear that part.

Fast forward to June 1991. I was working at Chick-Fil-A and at a tv station. I was tired and was looking for a break. I had a friend at CFA, Solitaire, who was a Christian and spoke a lot about things like that. Wanting to be her friend, I tried talking like I was a Christian. It was obvious from my life and my words that I was not. At any rate, she invited me to go to a youth camp with her church and I said yes. I didn’t really care much about the camp as much as I did about not working 2 jobs. LOL.

So, we get up to the camp in Estes Park, Colorado and dive right into the happenings. Regular camp fun – games, food, etc. At night and in the morning they had a service for us to attend and outside of that it was other activities.

Honestly, I don’t remember everything about what was going on but I do remember my friend leading me to the FRONT row when I really wanted to sit in the back row. Now, I had come to the conclusion prior to this that there was a God but He was little more than something I read about in a book, He wasn’t “real” to me at all. It was during the middle of one song (don’t remember the name) when I felt like the blinders had been taken off my eyes and I knew that God was real, that He loved me, died for me and wanted me to follow Him. I stood there during that song and said this prayer in my head over & over again: “God I want you in my heart. God I want you in my heart.” Words cannot adequately describe this moment. It was seriously like I was wearing blinder and like I felt those blinders literally fall off and I just knew that God was real and knew what He did for me. Even now, typing this, I keep asking myself if I am remembering this time correctly as it seems so long ago and so surreal.

Life changed radically after that. At the time I was dating a guy who was nice but our relationship wasn’t a very good one. We were headed down a very bad road. I hadn’t told anyone about him at this camp so I was very, very shocked when the evangelist preaching came up to me after the service the night I accepted Christ and said the following, “You need to get out of relationships that aren’t glorifying to God” and then he just walked on. Umm – okay.

When I got home I called my boyfriend and told him that I couldn’t date him. When he asked why, I told him that he wasn’t a Christian and I couldn’t date him. He replied that he did go to church and was a Christian. My final words to him, “You aren’t a born-again Christian and I cannot date you.”

I wish I could say that I’ve always had the same zeal for the Lord that I had the first year I was a Christian. I haven’t and it sometimes makes me crazy. I was in a public high school and it was so easy to stand up for my faith there. I think that I was conscious of the fact that I was around unbelievers and it held me accountable because I was the face of Christ for them. After that year I went on to attend John Brown University in Arkansas. (Side note: It’s not John Brown the abolishonist but the evangelist – I got that question a lot). What I found there and during my subsequent years working at a Christian university and then Christian ministry – it’s much harder to have a lot of zeal for your faith when you are surrounded by Christians. I think I relaxed a little too much and wasn’t as conscious of those around me – just took for granted that they were also believers.

Where am I now? After feeling like I have spent many, many years in a spiritual dessert, I am doing okay. My faith isn’t perfect and I am a big screw up, but I am trying. I am excited about my faith for the first time in a long time. I am excited about what I am learning and I’m excited to share it with others – through this blog and through personal relationships.